Time Warner Says Verizon Is a Constipated Gay Man with Magic Fingers

This Time Warner ad taking on Verizon FiOS is so ludicrously hilarious it almost does make want to sign up with Time Warner. In the spot, Verizon is a constipated (wait for it), overly enthusiastic gay-coded dude with magic fingers shooting red lightning and flying Vs (for Verizon!), touting "THE FIBER." It's so ridiculous it almost seems fake.


Sure, Time Warner might have been using "fiber optics for over a decade" but can you get disgusting bandwidth through them? Not yet. Also, hello irony, Time Warner is the company trialing pay-per-byte internet. Sign me up! Actually, I would like a bowl of cereal right now. I love cereal. Mmm. Verizon says it's soggy cereal, though. I like mine of kind of soft, depending on the brand, but not soggy. [Consumerist]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter


I'm really sick of the FiOS vs Dish vs Cable tirades.

Show me a cable/internet company that doesn't have fanboys, doesn't have haters, doesn't have customer service issues, doesn't use underhanded techniques, doesn't employ smear commercial tactics and doesn't have technical problems, down time or crappy appointment time frames and I'll show you a magical fairy that grants wishes with a wave of it's hand and a sparkle from its fingers, not unlike our verizon guy here.

The bottom line here: If Company X was providing a product that a majority wasn't satisfied with, they wouldn't be in business. Period. And don't give me that monopoly bullshit either. Neither TV nor internet is a utility. People can live without it. You want the luxury? You pay for it. Stop whining about prices and service and equipment. Instead, try life without it. If you need that fix and still keep complaining, you are as much of the problem as the company itself.