In Which Heather Thomas Defeats Evil With a Laser Motorcycle

Starring 80s pinup Heather Thomas and scfi's favorite mad scientist Jeffrey Combs, Cyclone (1986) is the best futuristic motorcycle movie you've never seen.

After secret military scientist Combs is killed by punks with ice picks in a nightclub, it falls to his motorcycle-lovin' girlfriend to save the titular Cyclone motorcycle. I love this early scene where the now-dead Combs has left her a videotape explaining how to use the motorcycle. For some reason, it includes a brass knuckle knife and a bunch of rockets. OK, the rockets make sense.


But then we have to wait through the whole damn movie, watching Thomas get tortured and then lectured by Martin Landau, before she actually uses the damn bike to blow anything up. In the meantime, she's chased by the punks in a series of old cars, shocked repeatedly with jumper cables, and wears indescribably awful skin-tight jeans which don't even flatter the infinitely lovely form of Thomas. When she finally escapes, rescued by the one non-corrupt person in the movie - a butch older cop lady in an awesome jumpsuit - she finally lets the Cyclone rip in this awe-inspiring scene. Here's the sad part: The true breakthrough technology isn't the Cylone, it's the power source for it. The power source is an infinitely renewable form of infinite energy that can replace fossil fuels and make the Earth green. But we wouldn't want it to fall into the wrong hands (i.e., the Chinese! Or maybe the Japanese! Or maybe just, you know, Them Orientals!). Why it would be bad for anyone to have a power source that replaces fossil fuels is never explained.

But luckily, before the bad guys can start cleaning up the planet or something dastardly like that, Thomas throws it into the flames created by Cyclone. Thank goodness that evil technology is gone, where nobody can get to it! Ah, the 1980s. Good times.

Cyclone via IMDB



Man this just proved to me that hidden/repressed memories do exist!