Early Friday morning, the president—or some anonymous White House goon, it’s not always clear which—tweeted that he and the First Lady have tested positive for the novel coronavirus estimated to have infected at least 2.2 percent of the population and killed at least 208,000 Americans on his watch. This is more or less like if right in the middle of Nero fiddling while Rome burned, his toga caught fire.
Tonight, @FLOTUS and I tested positive for COVID-19. We will begin our quarantine and recovery process immediately. We will get through this TOGETHER!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 2, 2020
There’s been nary a peep from @realDonaldTrump since, let alone any kind of visual evidence or news of his condition, beyond assurances that the president is only exhibiting minor symptoms and doing great. (The only real update has been that White House staff and other political figures who have been in his presence are reportedly getting sick in droves.)
It’s unusual for his preferred online avatar to be quiet for this long and so, in our impatience, we took a few stabs at what kind of insights the president might have in store for the nation:





What do you think the president is preparing to spit out? Wildly speculate in the comments below.