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iPhone 4 Vs The Simplest Phone on the Planet

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Oooh yeah, let's get ready to rumble! The iPhone 4 is the world's favorite smartphone. John's Phone is the world's simplest cellphone! Which one will win as they battle to the death?

John's Phone was created to be a simple, cheap phone that you wouldn't mind taking on hikes because you don't really care if you break it or lose it. The iPhone 4 is... well, it's the iPhone 4. Let's see how they stack up!



The iPhone 4 will generally get you through a whole day without needing to be charged. That's actually fairly good as far as modern smartphones go. If you turn off the radios you can probably get 2+ days. John's Phone? It lasts up to THREE WEEKS between charges. Take that, iPhone! Winner: John's Phone


Address Book

The iPhone 4 has a whole application that is dedicated to contacts. You can store a gajillion of them with pictures and all their various info, and then you can use that info across the operating system. The address book on John's Phone is literally an address book. It's a small paper booklet attached to the back of the phone. It also has a small pen attached in the way that styluses are on smartphones, so you can jot down your friends' contact info. While I like the retro element, Winner: iPhone 4. You can just do a lot more with it.

Making Calls

John's Phone makes phone calls! The iPhone 4... Winner: John's Phone



The iPhone 4 made waves with its Retina Display that stomped everyone else in pixel density. It's very, very purty. John's Phone's tiny, two-color screen only displays incoming phone numbers, but I mean you can't see the pixels within those numbers even if you pressed your eyeball up to it! And what's the DPI of pen on paper? Oh, okay, fine. Winner: iPhone 4



The iPhone 4's touchscreen is extremely responsive, and that makes dialing fairly easy. John's Phone, however, has big, raised bumps for number keys. You can quickly and easily dial blind-folded! 'nuff said. Winner: John's Phone



The iPhone 4 may be mostly metal, but its beautiful screen has been known to crack when dropped. John's Phone? It may be plastic, but it's so light that dropping it isn't going to do much, and there's just nothing really to break. Winner: John's Phone



With a two-year contract you can get an iPhone 4 for about 200 bucks. If you go sans contract the full retail price is about $650. Ouch! John's Phone costs just $£60 without a contract! Just pop in a SIM card and you're good to go. Winner: John's Phone (big time) [Correction: John's Phone is 60 POUNDS, not dollars. It's the equivalent of about $97. Yes, you caught my Yankifying it.]


The Ultimate Winner

Well, we've totaled everything up, weighted the points, dug deep, and our surprise winner is...


It's the iPhone 4. Come on. Don't be stupid.

John's Phone, however, is an awesome backup if you want something in case of emergencies or if you're going to be engaging in activities where phone-breakage is likely. You can grab it here for 60 bones [that's British bones].