Ten hut, Gizmodo readers! Do you have a New Year’s Resolution you should be working on? Do not answer that rhetorical question, because yours are the feeble dreams of weaklings and mine is to whip this sorry, good-for-nothing blog audience squad into shape!
ROLL CALL! Scroll on down and click those links! I don’t want to hear any bellyaching from this cowardly crew of ingrates and dumb-comment-leavers. You WILL read about how cartographers for the U.S. military inadvertently drew hordes of people looking for stolen smartphones to someone’s house! You will also read about how bounty hunters are buying phone location data from carriers, how millions of Americans may be mistaken about their food allergies, and all the movies you should be looking forward to in 2019! You will also read about how the first bendable phone may be a fascinating piece of junk and our review of M. Night Shyamalan’s Glass!
After that, you will then engage in a strategic ego-building exercise by leaving comments complimenting our authors on how smart and good they are! If there is any time left before bed, you will leave further comments with glowing reviews of our personal sartorial choices and perhaps our extremely cute and friendly pets! Go, go, GO!