Is there anything better than sciencey types geeking out over biodiversity in the form of overly earnest fake Amazon reviews? If the “rateaspecies” hashtag making rounds on Twitter this weekend is any indicator, probably not.
It all started on Friday, when the Oregon Zoo posted this “review” of an exceptionally dashing river otter on its official Twitter account:
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ FIRST IMPRESSIONS
Overall very good first impressions. Sturdy built, totally winter-ready and waterproof. Only comes in brown but that’s actually a plus for me. #rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/IK99ODsTPT— Oregon Zoo (@OregonZoo) March 9, 2018
Shervin Hess, digital media lead at the zoo, explained that the tweet was inspired by Lincoln, an orphaned sea otter pup that recently took up residence at the zoo and with whom Hess has been spending a lot of time lately.
“He’s perfect. He’s like my little otter son,” Hess told Earther in an email. “A few weeks ago I read an Amazon review for hiking boots and it was basically describing an him (waterproof, great for winter, only comes in brown). So the tweets just started writing themselves at that point.”
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ YOU WONT BE DISAPPOINTED
This stylish little unit is amazing. Sound quality A+. No distortion at full volume but bass is a little weak. Top rotates which is a plus. #rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/OYaWOfzosA— Oregon Zoo (@OregonZoo) March 9, 2018
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ SO MUCH FUN
Cuts through the water like butter. Not great for white water but perfect for lakes, ponds, etc. Set-up is easy and it won’t flip. Variable speed. No mount for GoPro.#rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/Qa9UWkvtfq— Oregon Zoo (@OregonZoo) March 9, 2018
Hess asked a friend on the social team at Monterey Bay Aquarium if they wanted to spend the afternoon rating species on Twitter, too. And indeed, they did—who wouldn’t? Other zoos, aquariums, and science museums soon joined in, adding pics of their favorite animals with hilariously on-point comparisons to various household products and consumer devices.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ PRAYING THEY KEEP MAKING THESE
As seen on @Oatmeal. Full set is the ultimate seafood multi-tool: tenderizes, slices and serves in milliseconds! Comes in all colors plus some you can’t see.#rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/vm2YhrBihR— Monterey Bay Aquarium (@MontereyAq) March 9, 2018
This mantis shrimp, for instance, with its high-powered, clam-cracking appendages, would doubtless make an A+ seafood utensil. And really, can you fault the American Pika, a harmless floof that subsists off wildflowers and kindness, for anything other than being too cute?
⭐⭐⭐⭐
PROS: High-quality squeak system, thrives in rocky situations, hay for days.
CONS: Maybe TOO cute. Potential pun hazard. #pikaboo #rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/jTFFGImVhO— Yosemite Conservancy (@YoseConservancy) March 9, 2018
⭐⭐⭐ NOT AS EXPECTED
Color not as shown (not even CLOSE!!!), supposed to be predator but just sits on heated rock all day and let turtles walk all over him (if ambush predators are so different you should tell people) also missing one toe???#rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/5EAdkDN5D4— California Academy of Sciences (@calacademy) March 9, 2018
⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ HIGH-KOALATY, IF SLUGGISH
Who's got four thumbs and loves to sleep?#rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/fzedtnFODx— Los Angeles Zoo (@LAZoo) March 9, 2018
Initially, #rateaspecies was more fun and games than educational. But when the broader bio Twitter community got wind of what was happening, the high-concept nerd reviews started to pour in:
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Pleasantly surprised. Thought I had ordered a Roomba, but this did an excellent job of cleaning up my ecosystem. Only downside is the projectile vomiting. Overall 5 stars, would drunkenly purchase again. #rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/5fDfHiaWNq
— Katie O'Reilly (@DrKatfish) March 9, 2018
Vultures, of course, are nature’s cleanup crew, scavenging carrion long after the carcass is too putrid for most other animals to eat. And apparently, the turkey vulture pictured above defends itself by vomiting!
The things you can learn from reviews, amirite?
https://twitter.com/embed/status/972321670844289024
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟- much more compact than related proboscidea land cruiser models. Perfectly adapted to mountainous terrain. Required external heat source.#rateaspecies pic.twitter.com/t523mcwoTc
— The Doctor (@Drstevenhobbs) March 10, 2018
Hess said he was surprised to see #rateaspecies get the pickup it did, but noted that “celebrating wildlife can be a sort of therapy.”
“I’m always looking for new ways to do animal therapy on social,” he continued. “[#rateaspecies] also spotlighted some less-loved creatures and why the planet needs them, like endangered California condors that help keep ecosystems healthy, and bats that control insect populations.”
As for which animal deserves the highest rating of all? Hess said that while he couldn’t imagine giving any animal less than four stars, river and sea otters topped his personal list.
“They are evolutionarily designed to bring joy,” he said.
